Batman’s Identity Is Revealed As Boris Johnson In Terrifying Street Attack

batman Boris Johnson

In an amazing and daring feat yesterday Batman revealed his identity when he did not have enough time to get into costume after seeing a young lady in distress from a bunch of Oiks, some of who were possibly wearing a hoody of some description. The normally masked hero was caught off guard on his way home from his day job as Mayor of London when he heard the screams of a terrified film maker and after realising he did not have enough time to get into his disguise, bravely decided to confront the rage infected youths anyway.

The film maker is also a climate change activist and said she was pleased that the thugs had an iron bar, which could easily be recycled, rather than a less sustainable weapon such as a nuclear device. Batman chased the girls off on his batmobile, which is believed to have been a customised GT or maybe a Kona bicycle, before returning to the distressed woman and offering to walk her home.

Witnesses who saw the kerfuffle say they saw strange jagged objects appear near batman and the hoody thugs, which looked as if they had words in them. One witness said

“I saw some very strange things happen, it looked as if descriptive words were just appearing in brightly coloured bubbles and stars.” When asked what kind of words they might have been he simply said “Biff! and Pow!” Before bursting out in tears and saying it was all too much.

Boris Johnson released a statement about being Batman saying,

“Well bloody heck I guess every Tom, Dick and Fanny will know my bloody secret now. For the record I am Batman but because my identity is now known, even by those thuggish Liverpudlian’s, I shall therefore be retiring and letting Robin take over life saving duties. Robin is definitely not David Cameron”

The victim of the brutal attack say’s she wasn’t trying to get into trouble purely to gain publicity over her film ‘Age Of Stupid’ or her 10:10 campaign which is a climate change charity trying to cut emissions by 10% in 2010. She also said she was offended that Ken Livingstone would even ask such a question.

A police sketch artist released some interpretations of these photo’s of the supposed ‘floating words’ (below) as well as a photofit of what Boris Johnson would normally look like in the Batman disguise (top of the page). The police urge anyone who may know any information about anything to get in contact with them immediately as they are very bored and would like a chat. For more information about the story visit the BBC News site

BIFF AND POW

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